#lazy eval

[stargirlrchive]

one — two — three — four — five

you knew it shouldn’t have bothered you so much. simon wasn’t even doing anything to enable the recruit but the burning hot jealousy coiling in your belly did nothing but flame your irritability.

all the newest recruits had been hauled into the medbay for basic evals, followed by their squad leaders. and the slimmed out blonde recruit had been chatting simon’s ear off the whole time. batting her lashes and inching closer.

he’d barely grunt at her in reply but she wouldn’t take the hint. and your irritation grew the closer they got to you.

she had conveniently found herself last in line, getting to spend as much time with simon as she could. and as soon as she was in front of you, he tensed.

he could easily read your saccharine smile, the way you barely even looked at her and barked out for her to sit down and sit still.

her sweet smile wiping away instantly at your tone and normally you’d reel yourself in. you usually found it easy to keep a positive attitude no matter how you were feeling. you took pride in remaining soft and remaining yourself in your field of work but she grated on your nerves.

simon too. why hadn’t he just shut down her chatter from the beginning?

she was about to open her mouth to speak once more when you turned to simon. “what are you craving for dinner tonight?”

she instantly tensed, and you could just see the lazy smirk simon’s balaclava was hiding. pressing into you to tuck a hair behind your ear. “wh’tever you want, doll.”

the recruits lips popped open, looking like a fish out of water and when you turned back to her, you had the audacity to look sheepish. “oops. you’re good to go, billy.”

“it’s bailey.”

“right. well off you go.” you sent her a smile, watching as she stiffly walked out of the office.

when you turned back to look at simon, an annoyed scowl remained on your face. eyes narrowing more at his words.

“you don’t even cook.”

“i could if i wanted to.”

he huffed an amused laugh, pressing into you again to nuzzle into your neck. the tension in your body slowly leaving you as he held you.

“i was out of line.” you say dejectedly, feeling foolish for letting your emotions take hold of you like that.

“s’alright, doll. was kinda hot seeing you piss all over me like that.” his chest rumbled with his quiet laugh, and you scowled. “shut up. i wasn’t that bad.”

his answer was a soft squeeze to your ass, and a promise of cooking you that pasta you loved so much.

[verdantwyrm]

In Defense of Curly (Again)

This post is not about absolving Curly of his “sins” or anything, Curly is not an innocent angel that has done no wrong, no, he is morally grey as they come. But I will not stand for slander on my wife NO MORE. Curly is not as guilty as you would think, but neither is he Innocent. Anya is so much more than a victim, Curly is so much more than a bystander, and Jimmy is so much more than a rapist, they are multifaceted characters in a very multidimensional game. They’re all characters that have been individually crafted to tell a story, and everyone is avoiding that by reducing them to a singular note of events rather than their entire personality and even going as far to twist their dialogue and character to fit their own bias, ignoring whats actual factual and canon for the sake of projection.

So with that out of the way, let us begin.

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A sense of timeline for better understanding.

Curly's Psych Eval (and by extension, Jimmys) was 7 Days before the crash. Curly does not know Anya is pregnant here. 

The birthday Party is 6 Days before the crash. Curly doesn't know here either. 

The Dead Pixel scene is 2 Days before the Crash. Curly doesn't know here either. 

Anya stealing the gun is 1 Day Before the Crash. Curly Finds out Anya is pregnant here and that Jimmy is responsible. Anya tells Jimmy about the pregnancy and tells Curly about it. 0 Days before the crash (The Same Day)

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Pony Express’ Abuse

As for the first subject, I want to make it very clear about Pony Express’ Failure to comply and have any standard safety measures (most noticeably in the lack of locks) and the fact that they very often penalize their employees by taking from their pay and that they’re extremely lazy and known to cut corners for everything. The poster in-game tells us a lot about this if not backed up directly by the dialogue.

"Proper preparation prevents accidents, it is your responsibility to keep yourself and the crew safe. Medical expenses will be docked from person credits."

"Punctual delivery is our pride and promise- No matter where you are! Late deliveries will be docked from personal credits."

"Teamwork is the soul of success! When you have completed your tasks, always check on other tasks! HR complaints about poor team synergy may result in collective punishment"

"Sleep is the best rest after a long day of work, earn that rest! Don't overdo it or fall behind! Do not indulge in over 5 hours of forest, including leisure time. Sleeping over the allowed budget will result in disciplinary actions."

Neither Curly nor Jimmy are getting anything close to the required amount of rest for such a demanding job, with only 5 hours compared to the IRL guidelines for pilots to get an average of 10 hours of rest between shifts with 8 hours of sleep, it's also implied by Anya and Curly's own dialogue that he struggles to sleep. Which all together implies that they're both working 19-hour shifts every day. Every. Single. Day.

We see them both on shift at the same time multiple times during the game and Curly is the only one with clearance to make certain extremely important navigation decisions (like turning off the autopilot) and we can easily come to the conclusion that they are both extremely overworked, Curly Especially.

We can easily see that Pony Express are not shy to punish their employees and even goes as far as to routinely engage in collective punishment, and this is shown to be the drive behind a lot of Curly's decisions in particular, especially with how he reassures Anya that her stealing the gun case will not go on the performance log and reducing the chances of her being punished at all and to probably put the pressure onto himself in case Pony Express does find out. Given her precarious financial situation, she literally cannot afford to have her pay docked and Curly knows this.

Pony Express is known for its laziness, negligence and its ability to cut corners, they are also seen to not trust its employees by making everything have to go through him from axe usage to making a cake. To not supplying enough medical equipment, a fifth cryogenic pod to account for Daisuke or even to account for him at all. Curly himself even commented on how he should have made a bigger “stink” about the situation of Daisuke being thrown on the Tulpar last minute, which implies that he did raise this as an issue and a safety risk and was ignored.

I'm not going to take this as seriously but it is worth mentioning regardless because it is just absolutely Kafkaesque levels of absurd, They actively make it borderline impossible to report anything, so even if Curly or Anya were able to get ahold of Pony Express to send in a report, they never could due to the requirements and the prerequisites. It also implies that if you apply for a job there but refuse the medical evaluation, they can fine you despite the fact that you don't even actually work there yet.

Another classic example of Marx's theory is of the alienation in capitalism, wherein workers are estranged and separated from the products of their own labour. The crew had absolutely no idea what they were delivering, and judging by how much was put in place, they were never supposed to.

Marx's theory, the implementation of automation would negatively impact workers by depriving them of job opportunities that could have been filled by humans. This is strongly suggested to be the primary reason for the downfall of Pony Express and why the crew was fired.

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Anya’s Assault

Anya being assaulted is never outright said, with an intentional layer of vagueness layered over the top with how she talks about it and how she mentions it to Curly. The words “Assault” “Rape” or even “Attacked” are not mentioned at any point, we only learn this through visual imagery and subtext of Anya mentioning the lack of locks on the doors, how unsafe she feels around Jimmy, and she would rather him not have the gun at all—fawning at his every response in a panic of upsetting him or escalating the situation. The words are never explicitly said as many other victims can sympathise with, saying the words out loud can be very difficult sometimes, and Anya’s vagueness was intentional on the happenchance that Curly did take Jimmy’s side. She was trying to put distance between herself and that possibility by being as cautious and as vague as she could, in hopes that Curly would pick up on the signs himself and come to that conclusion himself instead of Anya babying him and dumbing down the situation.

This is a believable reaction, especially when your abuser has any kind of power over you or other people, and he isn’t the only one either. Curly has just as much power, if not significantly more over her, which adds more to the fear of even mentioning such a thing, as mentioned earlier in my section of Pony Express' Abuse towards them, the possibility of being penalized with her– and everyone else –pay being docked because she made a simple complaint, was a very real threat, and even more dangerous after finding out about the whole crew being laid off. Jimmy tears her down every chance he gets, makes her feel little and even compares her to Polle in his hallucinations. And Anya knows that he and Curly have a very lengthy history, so her caution and anxiety about even mentioning the incident, let alone saying the word “rape” is borderline impossible for her. It’s a manifestation, it’s a verbal acceptance and confession that it’s even happened. Something she has been trying to avoid coming to terms with.

And when she does eventually tell Swansea what happened, as much as you want to think she told him- she most likely told him to not do anything, to try and keep the peace for as long as possible.

Again, her vagueness is not her fault, nor is it her responsibility. It was Jimmy’s responsibility to not abuse and rape her.

It’s also very present that Jimmy is verbally abusive to her, putting her down at every opportunity by ignoring her very talented medical skills by saying Pony Express only hired her to cut corners in an attempt to reduce costs because she failed Medical School and that she’s not a “real nurse” because of that, and how he constantly questions her skills despite keeping Curly alive for such a long time in such a state.

After being insulted by him multiple times, she fawns to get him to actually do something beneficial because she knows he responds well to praise, and he complies, all while still insulting and belittling her for being "weak" and "sentimental"

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The Dead Pixel In The Room

Going to immediately preface this with a very big obvious “Curly did not know Anya was raped” warning sign to hopefully weed out the weak that don’t want to actually read this. You can leave now if you’d like, no hard feelings. This scene is supposed to be your first clue as a player, as well as Curly's. It's intentional to be like that, it makes the most sense chronologically as well because up until that point, we don't even know.

Okay, we can start now. First, off the bat, I want to talk about that dead pixel scene. And how both Anya and Curly have their own individual meanings behind It, and how both play into each character’s relationship with Jimmy. With Anya’s being a constant reminder of Jimmy’s presence, how it affected her and how it’ll always be there no matter what. And Curly’s is something that he knows exists, but cannot see for himself, because he’s too busy looking at the bigger picture. Even if he knows it's fake, even if he knows it’s an illusion.

He doesn’t doubt her here either, and even though he admits he cannot see it. He believes that it's there, despite this, and that it doesn’t ruin the image. Choosing to see the good, the beauty, of the bigger picture. The Dead pixel scene isn’t just about Anya, it’s about the both of them. And you’re probably asking how Curly hasn’t gotten the point Anya is trying to make, and thats again because she’s being intentionally vague here, and her comment about the lack of locks ties up pretty well with the previous two conversations she’s had with Curly directly. Complaining about Jimmy being weird during the psych evaluation and then her pithy comment about Pony Express’ cutting back expenses on their food and the comment she makes about the code scanner during the birthday party.

All of her previous conversations with Curly have been about their work or something going on in the ship or even with Pony Express directly. So it’s not unusual for her comment about the lack of locks on the sleeping quarters, it’s not random, it’s pretty on theme with the direction of how their conversations go, Curly wouldn’t pick up on that alone because it’s not a strange thing to say.

It's also very much shown that Anya trusts Curly, trusts him enough to not only confide in him first about the pregnancy but also allow herself to be open and friendly with him, even going as far as to try and get him to open up to her during his psych evaluation. She is also hiding behind his seat when she steals the gun. She feels the safest when she is with the real captain and how uncomfortable she is listening to Jimmy's orders to strip Curly of that title.

Every single time that Curly and Anya speak directly, he is always reassuring her, attempting to calm her down and her safety is the first thing he's concerned about when he finds out she's taken the gun.

And once she mentions the pregnancy, his priorities flip, again to her safety, reassuring her that she won't get punished for this. Once again telling her that everything is going to work out, that WE will fix this, WE WILL figure this out TOGETHER. He and Anya.

A key important word here is "what would you have done"

Would. Not, what will you do, no she's asking in past tense. The assault has already happened, she is reassuring herself here before telling him about the pregnancy that he is on her side, that he believes her and that her trust in him isn't misplaced.

And when he does find out she's pregnant, he still doesn't know exactly how. And it's important because it reflects back onto how Curly does ultimately behave when he does approach Jimmy. He doesn't know he's confronting a rapist, and his dialogue here proves that he does just think it was ultimately her choice, her decision. And the most painful part Is the very blatant unwanted pregnancy, not anything else.

Anya is still being intentionally vague here as well, as mentioned earlier. Curly did not actually know that Anya was raped, as the only thing that's mentioned is the pregnancy and that Jimmy is involved. Which is absolutely something to be worried about, regardless of how it happened, because they're on a ship. In the middle of Space.

Someone who knew would not react like that. Curly never once doubts Anya's words or her truth. And after Anya tells Culy about how she told Jimmy about her pregnancy, Curly says that she should have waited for him because he wanted to be there just in case.

Curly even does it literally. The most important part that everybody overlooks is how determined he is to get to the cockpit as the ship is crashing. He knows it's crashing but all he can do is try, he could have run away, but he didn't.

Curly took responsibility multiple different times which is easily overlooked because so much happens in such a short time span that people literally think he had months between knowing about Anya being raped and then the crash when it was barely a day. Just like how people easily overlook the dead pixel scene and how it also represents something to Curly as well, and just like how people overlook Anya's "I told you so"

Curly's kind, forgiving and trusting nature is not inherently bad. It was how it was used against him in an extremely difficult situation, which is exactly what Abusers do time and time again. He failed Anya in such a delicate way and in such a difficult situation, but it's something to understand that Pony Express failed her first, failed her in all the most important ways by even allowing a situation like this to happen. It was Jimmy's responsibility to not be a rapist, but it was Pony Express's fault for even enabling that in the first place.

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Curly's Trauma

A very common thing that people tend to overlook, and this is either because they subconsciously forget that men can be victims of abuse, or simply because they don’t care enough to consider Curly to be one– his relationship with Jimmy and what we can glean from is very abusive, emotionally and verbally and then soon later on physically. Curly is just as much a victim of Jimmy's mistreatment and abuse as Anya is, in their own unique and parallel ways, they both had everything taken from them. We can tell in Jimmy’s behaviour and the way he intentionally isolates Curly in the Birthday scene and the Psychological evaluation in the cockpit, Jimmy takes Curly’s weakness and anxieties and twists them around to isolate him from receiving any help or support from others.

Curly’s biggest weakness is his forgiving nature. We all talk about how Anya is a victim of Jimmy, and she absolutely is, but so is Curly. His first immediate response Jimmy's reaction to Anya announcing her pregnancy is met with immense fear and anxiety with the added soundtrack of what could be equivalent to the sound of Curly's heart racing. He freezes, he fawns, he panics.

Curly's good-natured heart, being lax, trusting and a constant mediator isn't inherently a problem. It was the circumstances that turned that so volatile. If Jimmy wasn't who he was and so readily abusive then Curly's character would not be that detrimental, and his actions would not have such a catastrophic impact. And everyone immediately boiling down those harmless traits and villainising them does much more harm than good, especially since the character they should be targeting is Jimmy, not Curly.

He is beyond terrified, and when he does finally get to Jimmy, he immediately fawns and freezes. He makes absolutely no mention of Anya or anyone else because all that mattered in that panicked situation was easing Jimmy down and resolving the situation. There was truly, absolutely nothing that Curly could have done that wouldn't have resulted in either direct consequences or collective punishment. All of Curly's thoughts, behaviour and actions were as carefully thought out as he possibly could in the short 24 hours or so that he was made aware of Anya's pregnancy and Jimmy's involvement.

He is trying to eliminate all potential problems in the situation so Curly can take the full front of Jimmy's rage. This again furthers the point of exactly why Curly wouldn't recognise the signs of Anya being abused as well because this is all so normal for him. He’s terrified of Jimmy, and an abuser's main tactic is to make sure that their victims never feel confident to speak up against them, or to ever seek out help from others. It’s why he never rushes to defend himself, he just lets Jimmy do and say all of these horrible things.

And Jimmy immediately stabs back putting him down. Twisting the blame and putting it into Curly. Like he somehow was a part of it all and that it was his fault.

Curly was and has been a victim of Jimmy's abuse for a very long time on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario which devolved into physical and medical abuse very quickly once Jimmy got his chance. And it is also true that Curly had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed due to bias towards his abusers, and his kind and forgiving nature of simply wanting to see the good in Jimmy, which is also another aspect of what victims believe. Curly enables Jimmy's behaviour towards himself and even goes as far to completely blame himself for everything that happened in How Fish Is Made.

A lot of victims tend to surround themselves with excuses of why they’re abused, that it’s somehow their fault and that he’s done something awful to deserve it, that this a normal thing that happens, that Jimmy has his reasons to be like this and it isn’t his fault. People argue that Curly should have done more and that he "failed" in any regard is putting a huge expectation onto a victim like him of someone like Jimmy's relentless abuse and how it takes such an impactful toll on someone like Curly. Everyone who plays or watches the game looks over the very easy and subtle warning signs of this abuse and is too busy claiming Curly to be the antagonist here and holding him responsible instead of Jimmy.

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Conclusion + Other Comments

Curly is not perfect, but he is not as guilty as everyone wants him to be. If you go into mouthwashing anticipating Curly as a cruel, selfish monster, of course, you're going to interpret him that way and twist everything he ever does or says to fit your narrative although he very obviously isn't that way at all and get upset when someone tells you you're wrong. You need to remember that he had a whole crew to think of, Curly is not judgement, nor is he the executioner. His hands were absolutely tied and for one reason only: Because Pony Express does, did, and will not care. Pony Express has it explicitly like this so you cannot do anything. So people like Jimmy who manipulate the vulnerable can prey upon his co-workers and get away with it.

The situation on the Tulpar is not as straightforward as people would like, I understand it's extremely cathartic to think of a situation where Jimmy gets what he deserves but it isn't realistic, and thats what this game is trying to say. Abusive corporations, exhausting capitalism, this environment breeds Abusers like Jimmy and victims like Anya and Curly. There was nothing that could be done. Pony Express is what doomed them all, they're the catalyst.

At some point, you have to understand and accept the fact that certain scenarios are simply just cathartic fantasies that simply couldn't have happened. They were all doomed, right from the start. It wasn't just Jimmy's actions (Although they significantly influenced the outcome), and it sure as hell wasn't Curly's inaction. It was Pony Express. I think something that a lot of people get mixed up in their interpretations of Curly is that he's not us, and we're not supposed to be him. Constantly projecting your own fears and experiences onto him to sway your interpretation of his words takes away from the already written-in-stone character he is. You saying "He didn't mean it" when talking about Curly saying he cares about Anya is not only incorrect, but it's YOUR projection onto a character that is already extremely upfront and honest about his intentions and kind personality. He is not malicious, evil, cruel, selfish or misogynistic, so saying that because you interpreted his words to be half-truths or him lying through his teeth to Anya and that his kindness is fake is literally obstructing his character.

Everyone wants them both to be perfect examples of victims and refuses to understand or even believe Curly's situation. Curly DID fail Anya but not for the reason everyone thinks he did.

They're both victims to the same man, they both believe in the best of people (although to their own detriment in a way) they want to find peace, and fulfilment in their career and life. They're so alike in such delicate and intimate ways, that trying to constantly paint Curly as this great, horrible oppressor over her does way more harm than good.

Curly's character is painfully obvious, very very upfront and honest. He is kind, constantly weighed down by guilt and anxiety about his future and career and is being abused by his so-called friend and the company he's working himself to death for that he absolutely hates that just discarded him like he was nothing. Like a lame horse.

Thank you so much to the Mouthwashing Mania Discord server for helping me with this thread! Specifically Mogs for their amazing analysis on Capitalism which can be found here!

Thank you for reaching the end of the thread, please don't be scared to share your thoughts in the tags or in my inbox, I'd love to hear them! good job! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

[boyfriendyke]

to my parents however this happens all the time. its entirely possible to trick the psychiatrist into giving u ur diagnosis and in fact kids these days are constantly doing it to get special privileges at school

i keep worrying that i somehow tricked the psychiatrist into giving me my diagnoses. this is a normal and plausible thing to worry about, and not an irrational idea born from my generalized anxiety disorder, which she diagnosed me with

[oneforthemunny]

I know you always do your horny hours but I am yearning for some angsty hours, especially with cowboy!eddie. The Christmas fic you wrote still has me in a chokehold to this day, I love seeing a rough and tough man break down and ugly cry over his girl, especially bc he thought he was acting like his dad ugh so good. Have cowboy and sweet girl ever had any other rough patches? Or even instances outside of him and sweet girl, maybe when he was growing up? I want you to psychoanalyze this man for me, I need to know what makes him angry/insecure/anxious (if ever) and/or ugly cry like he did in that fic, because he may be all rough and tough but if theres anything brewing beneath the surface I need to know🙏🏻thank u you are doing the lords work🙏🏻

oh baby are you in for a treat today lol. i am very angsty moody today so i'll indulge. full eval below so putting a cut bc it's long. here's the cowboy!eddie lore (the good, the bad, and the slutty ofc i have to hit all demographics):

let's start with eddie's dad and grandpa were drunks. they'd drink all day to get them through the day, then go play cards at the dive bar down the road until they lost all their money and couldn't see straight.

eddie's mom and grandma both were raised with that mindset of you just looked the other way, let them do what they wanted to because they're the men. and it was okay living like that (not really) but eddie's dad was a mean drunk. mean and angry, especially towards both of them.

after his grandpa passed, eddie's dad was supposed to take care of the ranch and keep training horses, keep up with the crops, but he was lazy, drunk, and broke. they used to have a lot more land with corn but they had to sell it because he kept drinking and gambling the money away.

eventually, that's when wayne came back. he'd left, tried to leave anyways, but he came back because he didn't want to lose his family's land. and honestly didn't want it left in eddie's dad's hands, especially after his mom passed.

eddie's grandma mainly took care of him, his dad completely checked out, busy chasing women and drinking and being a bum. wayne and his grandma really were who raised him, and they did their best, a lot better than most, but still as eddie got older, he just got more and more angry.

like i've touched a little on his anger, how he doesn't get mad very often but when he does, it's like a different kind of rage that's terrifying. but before he learned how to control it, he'd just fly off the handle anytime. got in fights at school, ran away from home, flunked out of high school and eventually just dropped entirely, just crazy shit in his teen years.

wayne was who made him start riding and competing. he knew how to do it, grew up doing it, but stopped because his dad did it and he hated it. but when he started acting out and having angry outbursts, wayne made him start training. he'd make him train, show him how to take the aggression out and channel it somewhere different, release some of that tension.

he taught him how to work, like real hard work lol, keep up things around the ranch. how to take pride in things, and not just half ass let them fall apart (like his dad did). it was hard at first, eddie would have outbursts, throw shit and kick shit and walk off because something messed up, and wayne would make him do it again. wayne stayed on his neck honestly, and he needed it. it taught him patience, taught him to not be like his dad.

when his grandma died, she left the land in wayne's name, who kept it until he was ready to move on from it, when eddie was old enough and he left it to him. when he felt he was ready for it, and wouldn't fuck it up.

pre-sweet girl eddie?? a whore. like genuinely, it's a million wonders he didn't have an incurable std or twelve kids. he was sloppy, young lol. had a whole fucking farm to himself, was a cowboy, a good bronco rider who won lots, and he's hot.

he was honestly, a guy that would probably ruin your life if you met him in his whore phase. like he wanted no strings attached, kinky hot sex- and that's it, just sex. and he wasn't mean about it, not like one to lead anyone on intentionally or fuck with their head, but like he's really good at having sex, he's nice, and he's hot- yeah, i'd get attached too lol.

once he kinda stops wanting to compete, he gets more into training, kinda grows out of the whole wild cowboy thing, he's ready to settle down. he starts keeping to himself, kinda focusing on himself in a way, and then meets sweet girl <3

that's all i can think of rn honestly. love my cowboy.

[fortunefavourstheboldau]

chapter 1: a familiar sunrise

"Audaces fortuna juvat, Grant."

The voice crooned, echoing around his skull. Curly’s eyes fluttered open, the forgotten warmth of a blanket weighing on his still tired body. His uniform still lay there, crinkled and sweat-soaked from presumably either another nightmare or from laying awake, unwilling to let himself fall victim to whatever Jimmy wished to do to him again. He’d told himself time and time again that it wasn’t normal for a friend to need to do that to him, that Jimmy just wanted to use him and that he didn’t care about him; but the voice in the back of his head always whimpered that he surely cares because he takes the effort to abuse him. But... Jimmy was nice sometimes. Sometimes when Curly was sick, he'd bring him lukewarm soup with a dirty bowl, but, hey it's the idea that counts? Right? He laid there, conflicted. Did he really think Jimmy cared about him, after everything? Was it some stupid thoughts from a past self echoing through his heart? He'd feel incredibly stupid if it was how he really felt. God, sometimes he couldn't recognise himself in the mirror after Jimmy was done with him. He'd always been known as a well-built, tough guy, so seeing the fragile, tear-stained face that probably should've shaved a long time ago staring back at him embarrassed him more than anything. A face more horrifying than that was his charred, burnt flesh and exposed teeth staring back at him. He hated it when Jimmy would grab Anya's mirror and force him to look at the failure of a captain he'd become. The only thing that remained the same were the piercing blue eyes, a harsh icy blue glinting back at him. Everyone always told him how it felt like he was staring through them, but he always laughed it off, not really caring for the specifics. He sat up, looking at his hands. Oh, how he'd missed having skin, and hands, and feet - Curly missed having control over his own body. He'd gotten too used to talking to himself in his skull, it made Curly feel like he was going mental, but he'd just accepted it. But.. Was he in a dream? Weird to put him back on the Tulpar if he was. A couple rough knocks echoed from his door. Probably Swansea wanting him to send Daisuke on a unnecessary job just so he could get a break from the boy's constant talking. Curly yawned, and got up, stripping yesterday's uniform and replacing it with a cleaner, longer version. Even in a dream, he didn't want to risk unnecessary attention to himself.

"Oi, Curls! What time do you call this?"

Fuck. He glanced at the calendar sitting on his desk. 3 weeks before the crash?

"Coming Jimmy. No need to get your knickers in a twist, mate."

He opened the door, greeted by a grinning Jimmy in a surprisingly freshly washed uniform. Normally it took Jimmy a little longer than normal to wash his clothes and bathe himself.

"Careful, Anya's gonna call you in for another psych eval if you keep staying in your room for so long. Everyone knows you don't sleep, you have darker undereyes than all of us combined!"

Jimmy put his hand on Curly's shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"I don't want to watch our brilliant captain fall weakness to laziness, and neither do the crew, Curls. We're all sooo worried about you. "

Curly laughed meekly, shrugging off Jimmy's hand.

"Haha, very funny Jimmy. I'm fine, just couldn't.. find a clean uniform this morning. Laundry day came sooner than I expected."

Jimmy snickered and turned around, before walking off. Curly sighed in relief, looking around the dining room - Swansea sat in his usual chair, reading through an old textbook he was presumably going to lend to Daisuke, swirling the remainder of a cup of coffee. Daisuke was nowhere to be seen, but Curly assumed he was off in the utility room working on his new worksheets Swansea had found. Anya sat nearby Swansea, flicking through old photos on her camera, and sometimes turning it to him to show him photos of the beginning of the trip. Curly walked over to the two of them, knees cracking as he moved. Probably would need to get Anya to look at it, but he wasn't gonna bother, dream or not.

"Morning everyone. I hope you all slept well?"

Anya flinched, glancing up at him. She laughed, embarrassed. Swansea looked up at him and grunted in acknowledgement before looking back down.

"Hey Captain. Sorry, I thought you were someone else for a second. Did you sleep in late?"

"Huh? Oh uh... Yeah. I guess."

Anya squinted at him, scanning his face.

"You don't sound certain in that, and I know you have insomnia. What were you doing in there?"

Curly laughed nervously, walking over to the still working coffee machine. This all felt a little too real to be a dream. Jeez, what god had he unknowingly devoted himself to now? Could it be time-travel? No. No that would be ridiculous. He'll bring it up with Anya later. She'll probably tell him it was all some mental delusions he was having. Yeah. That sounded a lot better than "Hey Curly, you daft twat, you're now in debt to a god.'' Still, the thought lingered at the back of his mind.

"Hey, Earth to Curly? You in there?"

He blinked, only now realising Anya was standing in front of him, waving her hand across his vision.

"Ah. Yeah, yeah I mean it. I'm fine Anya."

"Still not answering my question, Grant. What took you 3 hours to do in there? You're always out at 4, maybe 5 am if you decide to shower."

She smiled softly, lowering her hand.

"I'm not going to push it, but you know evaluations are coming up tomorrow; right? You're worrying me."

Curly smiled back at her, deciding he'd lighten the mood by poking a little fun at her. He put his finger up, changing his voice to sound a hell of a lot nerdier than it normally could go.

"Erhm ackshually, evals are coming up tomoz, Anya."

She chuckled, jokingly slapping him.

"You're a dickhead, you know that, right?"

"Yeah I know. I'm funny though."

Curly grins, grabbing his cup of coffee, and sitting himself up on the counter. Anya shakes her head at him jokingly, before turning around and grabbing her camera off the table. Swansea nodded at the two of them before walking off.

"You should look at this photo I've got of when I first boarded. You look so happy there!"

He looked down at the photo. In it, he had his arm around Anya, and a massive grin plastered on his face. He appeared to have recently gotten a haircut, so his golden mop was more of a polished army cut. Anya seemed similarly happy, long black hair tied up in a loose messy bun, cheeks red from presumed cold. Curly smiled, and put his arm around her, replicating the pose in the photo.

"You reckon anything's changed, Anya?"

"Yeah, you're a sad sack of shit now!"

She smirked, looking up at him.

"Heyy, that's not fair! You know the shenanigans that Daisuke somehow gets up to when Big Swan isn't looking."

"Can't blame the wee little intern, senior Captain Curly."

He faked a gasp, clutching his chest, elbow unfortunately cracking as he moved it.

"Senior? I'm only 35! Swansea's 57!"

"Grant, I'd love to go along with your idea of you being a spring chicken buut your elbow cracked, you old dog."

He scoffed, standing up. Anya laughed, setting her camera down on the counter after stretching.

"Well, senior Captain Curly, I've got responsibilities calling. Enjoy your coffee!" 

"It was nice talking to you Anya. I really missed it."

Her eyebrows furrowed at that comment, but she quickly let it go, deciding it'd be a tomorrow thing.

Curly walked over to the lounge, stepping aside to avoid the broken section of the sofa. He'd once been desperate to fix it, but Pony Express would even take complaints out of his paycheck, so he'd given it up. Sipping his now lukewarm coffee, he stared out into the artificial baby blue abyss. Fuck, he'd missed just being able to talk to his crew. He hated being stuck there, unable to give them a response, even when they sat there talking to him about everything. They'd all kept him alive even though they'd believed he was the one to crash the ship. He was sure that had happened. Though, he wasn't entirely sure whatever situation he was in now was real, however. His limbs felt like how they had before, and his face looked how it should, but he didn't feel real. Had he really spent 3 hours staring at the ceiling? Curly had never really had severe mental delusions - he'd had numerous panic attacks, and dissociated whenever he got into bed - but he'd never hallucinated months of torture?

Maybe Jimmy was right. Maybe he really was falling off the deep end, once and for all.

fic link : https://archiveofourown.org/works/61405324/chapters/157008094

[rjalker]

Ableist: If you don't do X [having a job, not being homeless, voting, going out to physically protest despite no one wearing masks these days and the general inaccessibility of public spaces and /literal marching/, ect.], you're a bad person. No exceptions.

Physically disabled people: Yeah, a lot of us physically can't do that.

Ableist: Well, this disabled person [who has access to dozens of recourses you can only dream of] did it, so you have no excuse!

aka I'm still not over my mom's husband claiming that it doesn't matter if most homeless people are disabled, because one time he saw (saw, not met) a man with only one arm and no legs in a high-tech powered wheelchair who had a job, so homeless people who claim they can't get a job are just lazy.

he had no answer for why I was somehow magically different from disabled homeless people, because he knows I'm disabled and can neither get a job nor health insurance nor disability SSI because of the nature of my disability and not being born rich enough to be able to pull over 2k out of my pocket on a whim to pay for a psyche eval out of pocket, let alone pay for every test that would be required to ~prove~ that my hypermobility prevents me from standing long enough to do literally any job within walking distance.

no but really with protests, immuno-compromised people have been begging for years at this point for self-proclaimed leftists to wear masks, but everyone fucking refuses. But now abled people want to be holier than thou and say if you don't physically go out to protest it means you don't care, while ignoring the physically disabled people who literally physically cannot do that for any number of reasons, including the fact that every other protester there would be actively threatening your life by refusing to wear a mask to stop you from dying from Covid19.

Edit: Can't believe I forgot ableists' most favorite crime disabled people can commit: not being able to live independently!

[graveperil]

Meet My MC ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ credit goes to @indycinders ♡♡ i tag: @lazy-bone-witch and @ishalen

Name: Juuna Shinjiru Nicknames: Jun, Kitten, Sunshine, Princess Age: 25 Pronouns: She/Her Personality: Impulsive, ruthless, devoted, cunning, friendly, observant Birthday: Dec. 23rd Headcanons: 🌸 Despite her general cutesy demeanor she's a lot more ruthless than people expect her to be. 🌸 Routinely gets low marks on her mental health eval 🌸 The Hunters Association is a means to an end. She uses it for the connections / information she can obtain. She still often overworks herself in pursuit of perfection that isn't obtainable. 🌸 Adores anything strawberry flavored 🌸 Has long hair for the first several acts of LADS, but when Caleb returns she cuts her hair 🌸Has chronic anxiety, prolonged depression, PTSD

Main Pairings

SyJun 🐦‍⬛ Slow burn. They do not get along at ALL initially and it takes a while for them to build trust (and a lot of Jun attempting to kill Sylus more than once (which he just finds amusing) 🐦‍⬛ When they finally resonate, due to their past pact thousands of years ago, Jun gets little baby dragon fangs to match Sylus' 🐦‍⬛Sylus is very attuned to Jun's moods and she can be The Most Herself around. He knows how to soothe her very easily and she gets overly affectionate afterwards 🐦‍⬛Their first kiss happens because of Jun 🐦‍⬛ He fell first. She fell harder. 🐦‍⬛ Equally devoted and crazy about each other. If anyone disrespect Sylus in front of her when she's with him during trade offs and Sylus was gonna kill the guy anyway she kills the guy instead lmao ZayneJun 💙 PINING!!! Childhood best friends to lovers. They dance around each other, but show each other they love each other always 💙 On her days off Jun often makes bentos and brings them to Zayne and eats lunch with him 💙 Zayne tracks Jun's eating / hydration and often texts her reminders throughout the day. He also makes sure to pull her off her workaholics streaks (vice versa her with him) 💙 Zayne is the stability and loyalty to Jun's spontaneity 💙 Jun is more affectionate in the beginning until they admit they like each other, but after that Zayne is WAY MORE AFFECTIONATE. They're that gross pda couple. 💙 Jun is aware of Dawnbreaker!Zayne and will actually talk to him when he's... present. Jun doesn't exist in DB's universe.

Favorite Outfits

🍄 Likes: Video games (rps, cozy games), hiking, traveling, resorts, taking pictures, writing (SHE SHOWS NO ONE), spicy food 🍄 Dislikes: Being forced on leave, when people don't trust her judgement, being overstimulated socially

Other Info

🔹Jun and Xavier have the most awkward friendship ever. They're simply neighbors. They bro nod. 🔹Jun and Rafayel are basically like brother and sister. They squabble, they annoy each other. 🔹Jun has not forgiven Caleb. Icly, she's hellbent on killing him because that's 'not her caleb' (diverts from canon) 🔹Her and Mephisto are besties 🔹The twins are Jun's sons. She would die for them. Sylus often comes home to find the trio cuddling on the couch, passed out after movie marathons

[sunflower1experiment]

A perspective of Curly and Crasona’s relationship if they formed a bond.

Crasona did like Curly, keyword did. They tend to converse often but since the party and Jimmy’s disrespect, the woman was infuriated and even argued with Curly for a minute until they saw his look of defeat and tired gaze.

The lay off, the job…the pressure, Pony Express’s cheap lazy environment….Crasona realized he was just a victim of Capitalism like Jimmy but he took advantage of everyone within while also not being immune to it.

In the AU, during the imminent crash, Crasona had to hack the system. Break into the security firewall, break down the credits bank wall and guide them to safety back into the correct coordinates. Which led to the asteroid impact being less damaging. It caused them to lose control and keep them floating still in the same place.

So they sent the coordinates while Curly’s injuries were simply burnt marks on the eye and hands. Did that stop the incapacitation of Jimmy? No, but Crasona took over Anya’s place knowing she’d want to continue the psych evals.

Do Crasona and Curly form a relationship after? Not really, its more of a bond of companion ship. Especially since they had to stay up for two whole days working on the coordinates to get picked up.

[asteralpine]

Tomorrow I have my last teacher observation/evaluation of the year in my sleepiest and LAZIEST of classes, and then I (supposedly) have a meeting with the mother of a student who is pissed that her student doesn't show up to class and then gets marked absent.

The only bright side is that we were supposed to meet this past Friday but the mom suddenly remembered she had another engagement and cancelled. My admin told her that Tuesday would work for us but she never responded. I'm hoping she won't show up at all.

And I'm hoping my sleepy, lazy class, full of students who aren't awesome students but are pretty damn good people, will impress my admin and help me get a stellar eval.

[reidsfavoritegirl]

Promoting my favorite bots that I keep coming back to over and over again because they deserve recognition 🗣️

(⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡ 6 Spencer, 1 Elle, 1 Penelope, 1 Hotch, 1 Matt, 1 Luke

Ivy-league stolen kisses by BKGSRIOT - college au (I think, I have bad memory) where the lights at ur brother's place go out and ygs sneak off to kiss I love him he's such a nerd

In the hospital after a case by BKGSRIOT - this one's self explanatory but again he's such a nerd I love him

I can fix him, no really, I can by @willowsblanket - post-maeve, the two of you are at one of rossis house parties but you snuck off to the backyard to dance and its so cute and i love him and i love this bot

https://share.character.ai/Wv9R/ysaainvp

You got your wisdom teeth removed (THIS WAS MY FIRST REQUEST 🗣️🗣️) by @virgil-says-things - self explanatory too you got your wisdom teeth removed he's so cute 😭 I keep saying that but I can't help it he's the cutiest of patooties

Work song by @/willowsblanket again!! - it's literally just him coming home to you after a long case and he's so deeply in love with you and. I love him

Early mornings by @mrwxrldwide - that's literally it. Early mornings with elle, neither of you have to work, she's clingy it's so cute I miss Elle Elle pls come home

Psych eval by junomakesbots - that's just it, psych eval with hotch

Late alarm by @julesssyy - the one scene where he sleeps through his alarm or whatever and his wife doesn't wake him up do you guys know what I'm talking about?? It's that scene

Post prison by @/willowsblanket (again!!) - nobody's telling you why he won't contact you and refuses to let you visit in prison, so you decide to confront him when he finally comes home (I've sobbed so hard over this by the way.)

He needs you to be safe by @/julesssyy - you got shot in the shoulder while trying to negotiate with an unsub this one is sm fun I love stressing him out

Ordered to stay behind with her by @/virgil-says-things - you were injured during the last case and so you're staying behind with Garcia AND SHES SO CUTE SHE DOESNT GET ENOUGH LOVE. I LOVE YOU PENELOPE GARCIA ALSO SHE MADE YOU COOKIES.

Oops Tumblr says I can't add more links guys 🤕

[rockwgooglyeyes]

talked to my psych about doing an adhd eval (it would be my second) and she was like yeah i mean but didn't your mom fill that out for you before? the answers she gave didn't meet *any* of the clinical requirements and it's like ah yes my mother. who i love dearly but who doesn't live in my brain or see the struggles i experience with completing simple tasks or she just thinks im being lazy like girl if i could do my laundry i would but unfortunately i have three levels of exhaustion and i keep forgetting that i need to wash my clothes actually. its a miracle i can successfully live on my own and that i have not died yet because man do i forget to eat and also forget what times my classes are on a regular basis

[kitchenwitchupinthisbitch]

Long, personal story about ADHD

Before getting diagnosed:

In high school, I was severely anxious and depressed. I was failing nearly every class every year. So much so that I had to take extra classes during the year and repeat the 12th grade just to be able to get two more credits. The classes I loved though? Passed with flying colors!

At 17 I asked my pediatrician if I possibly had ADHD. Agree laughed at me and said she could tell by looking at me that I didn't. Ok sure? But why is my brain channel surfing through multiple thoughts at once?

At 18, I had read many books on psychology and neurology and concluded it was a neurological condition of some sort that not only affected my body and caused all the physical symptoms I was getting such as the inability to maintain my body temperature and synaesthesia but affected my pattern of thinking causing anxiety, OCD and other mental issues (Hello delayed autism DX and all the comorbidities in my 30s). AGAIN she laughed at me basically told me I was an anxious hypochondriac.

By age 21 I could speak 3 languages but was still behind in math. I couldn't keep up with more than one class a qrt and dropped out. Like many women, my symptoms became too much to handle once I had a kid. At 26 my therapist suggested an ADHD eval and from there I got one. My Psych wondered why it took so long bc even a preliminary screening would have shown something was up with me.

After:

Many years were spent trying different treatment methods, medications and combinations of therapy only to find out I not only have ADHD, but they missed my suddenly very obvious autism. With these knew diagnoses, it has changed the way I think about myself. I'm not nearly as anxious or depressed!

But a big part of that is proper diagnoses and medication!!!

I'm am so over people thinking late dx people are doing it to be trendy or have a cop out for being lazy. Looking back at younger me, my even liking at my kid who behaves remarkably similar to me at that age, the missed diagnoses are clear. The way I behaved was only acceptable in that I was twice exceptional. Twice exceptional means that your condition can help you, ie my hyper lexia providing me with a high school reading level in third grade and the ability to learn multiple languages, but also hurt me in that I get over stimulated more easily than others and have poor social skills by comparison.

I fucking knew it, I SAID it: they're making ADHD people the next culture war targets. They will 'just ask questions' until we lose every scrap of ground we've gained in the last decade and more. We may not quite inspire the same level of hatred as a sexual minority, but we can very easily be made to inspire disdain and that also works.

They will strip us of our accomodations and our medications and try to stifle any sense of shared identity, and if that kills some of us, oh well. So long as it fuels another outrage cycle, fine.

So many of the tropes they've been using on trans people work extremely well on ADHD people too! "There are too many of these people suddenly! It must be a fad! It spreads through friend groups! And online! People are going private for diagnoses and that's bad! They are using pOwERfUl medical interventions and we think it's freaky!"

I saw the first ripples of this in terf circles about two years ago. And of course it's spread.

6% of British ADHD people lost their jobs in the last year thanks to the meds shortage. SIX PER CENT! And that just made these ghouls go "ooh, tasty, what else can we do?"

Recently an 'expert' was on the BBC saying people see ADHD diagnosis as a "golden ticket." Laurence Fox has been ranting that the condition doesn't exist and threatening "'you won't poison my child's body [with ADHD meds] against my consent"

People need to be aware this is going to get worse. Maybe, if we're lucky, it won't get really bad. But it's going to get worse than it is now.

[moonlight26posts-blog]

In Baltimore City, MD: URGENT: Sweetest most affectionate lovebug needs rescue placement by 4pm on 6/14! - BARCS, Baltimore MD

Stormy- 4 y/o, altered female, 53lbs

Meet Stormy! This 42-pound sweetheart is the perfect mix of playful, cuddly, and loyal—and she’s ready to bring love and joy to her forever home. Stormy came to BARCS through no fault of her own. Her previous family described her as wonderful with children and it's easy to see why. She's a total lovebug who quickly wins hearts wherever she goes.

Stormy is currently in a foster home and thriving. She’s fully housetrained with zero accidents, and she's comfortable staying alone for several hours. Although she may whine a little when you leave, she settles down quickly into her favorite cozy spot. She's working on crate training and doing well. Stormy already knows "sit" and is making great progress on "stay"—thanks to her love of treats, training is both fun and rewarding.

Her foster family reports that Stormy has showed off her sweet, snuggly, and well-mannered personality. She is perfectly content lounging on the couch, being a lazy cuddlebug, and entertaining herself with stuffed toys. Whether she’s relaxing or playing, she’s happy just being close to her people.

Stormy loves a good walk, where she can take in all the sights and smells. She may pull a little, especially if a squirrel crosses her path, but she responds well to a gentle tug on the leash. Overall, she walks nicely and really enjoys outdoor adventures.

She’s also met a few visitors in her foster home and welcomed them with her usual tail wags and excitement. Stormy can be a little jumpy when she’s excited, but it’s all out of love and enthusiasm to be with people. Wherever you go, she wants to be right there with you—your little shadow and biggest fan.

Due to her extended length of stay in a foster home, Stormy was brought back to the shelter on 6/2 to reassess her dog skills; at this time, she was tense, assertive, and rude when interacting with multiple different dogs. She was brought back today, 6/12, to re-eval and showed similar behavior, and ultimately she was unsafe to interact without a muzzle on.

With all of that being said, Stormy's foster has been consistently working on her reactivity with behavior modification work and muzzle acclimation, which she is doing well with. The foster reports that Stormy is able to walk by dogs at barriers without issue or she is easily redirected. When in the shelter's play yard, when given space from other dogs, Stormy was receptive to engagement with the handler and able to coexist (muzzled), and she has been able to be redirected from potential escalation with leash pressure.

Due to Stormy's offensive dog-to-dog behavior, she is not an adoption candidate through BARCS and must be placed with an approved partner rescue by close of business (4pm) on 6/14.

**Her current foster has offered to continue fostering her if pulled by rescue.**

Please let us know if your organization can help!

Thank you,

The BARCS Rescue Team

Baltimore Animal Rescue & Care Shelter (BARCS)

​2490 Giles Rd, Baltimore, MD 21225

rescue@barcs.org| (410) 396-4695

Rescue pick-up hours:

Monday-Friday: 10:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday: 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m

Adoption hours:

Monday-Friday: 2 p.m.-6 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday: 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

Baltimore Animal Rescue and Care Shelter, Inc. (BARCS) | 2490 Giles Rd | Baltimore, MD 21225 US

[digitalcockroach]

raw dogging a nasty ear infection bc my dr wont see me for a month, need to see an eye dr because apparently i have a lazy eye and i haven't had my eyes checked since i was 13, and of course to top it off i need to get dental work done again asap because my old fillings are wearing out and new cavities are becoming an issue

+ i have to get a neuro and psych eval in the next month for my ssi case

so fuck me and my shitty terrible body and also my wallet

[00shorrorfilm]

well my friend blew it with the whole yacht party for coast guard this weekend so i’m big chilling at home finishing all my papers so i can at least get my vacation started earlier. omg my prof is a lazy liberal white devil bc they made us grade other’s papers for NO POINTS on top of shuffling around deadlines last minute. come to find out, bitch is within my neighborhood so i can walk to BEAT THEIR ASS!!!!

this course eval about to go crazy and i will reward myself with a nice drink after i turn in these papers and code that fucking project for stats

[aria-i-adagio]

When you (the high school math teacher) are the "low achiever" of the extended family...

***

Student: I bet even rocket scientists don't actually have to know about congruent triangles and proofs.

Me: I can call my cousin the honest-to-goodness rocket scientist.

***

Student: I want to be an engineer, but I can always just look up the Pythagorean theorem.

Me: *whipping out my cell phone* Let's check with my uncle about that. He's an engineer for [insert multinational company here]. Or was. He mostly does hiring now.

Student: Well, okay, l'll be a surgeon then.

Me: Ah, excellent. I'll call his son then. He works for [surgical/medical tech company].

Student: I have to learn the Pythagorean theorem, don't I?

Me: You're way too smart to be this lazy. Leg squared, leg squared, hyp squared. Memorize it. Internalize it. It ain't going away.

***

Me: I really don't know that much math.

Principal: Nah, your subject matter expertise is great.

Me: I mean, it's cool you're putting that on my eval, but really... I *know* how little I actually know.